Fun With Sisters

I don't know if I've ever alluded to my worthless 18-year-old sister. She has a "job" at Abercrombie & Fitch, after they tried to recruit her several times. Let me be clear on this: Abercrombie was insistent that my sister work for them. So she "works" for Abercrombie. Does this involve standing in an Abercrombie store? No. She gets the employee discount and if she wants to show up and be pretty in the store, she'll get paid for that. Plus the employee discount.

So, for the benefit of all those guys I went to college with: She's one of those girls. Except she's nice. To me, at least. And yeah, she's a cheerleader.

Well, it turns out she's entertaining in at least one aspect. Since she's a girl, she loooooves being evil about other girls. And my roommate-cousin is a girl. And the roommate-cousin has some, well, ideosyncracies. So every time I notice an idiosyncracy, I call my sister (I'm gonna call her "Heather") that very second, tell her about it, listen to my sister rant about things she heard about this cousin from this cousin's little brother, laugh, and then hang up.

My sister could have said the entire prior paragraph in about 10 seconds. So she can really pack in the invective. She'll spew for nearly a minute, ending with "but I love [Cuz], she's sweet."

The first time I noticed this source o' fun was when Cuz got strep throat and I called my sister to gloat that I did not have strep. Heather went on a rant much like this:

OmigodCuzissickliketwentyfoursevenISWEAReverytimeyoutalktoherthere'ssomethingnewwrongwithher ...
...It'slike'OhI'msosickandI'mlikewhatthehelliswrongwithyouNOW?' But I love her, she's sweet.

Yeah man, it's great fun. I called yesterday when Cuz was going to not get ice cream because the place didn't have the kind of waffle cone she wanted. Heather was much more vocal then. Something about Cuz making her brothers brush their teeth every five minutes.

This bit o' fun has legs.